The Winter Olympics are Quieter Scarier

The Most Terrifying Winter Olympic Sports, Ordered by My Own Personal Level of Fear

Like cocaine and tax evasion, the Winter Olympics have always attracted people who enjoy the extreme.

Any any night, you can catch men and women performing risky flips on snowboards or hurtling down an icy track on a tiny, unwieldy sled as the cameras pan around the network. Ski jumping is a sport that essentially involves people soaring through the air.

The Winter Olympics are Quieter Scarier.

Even though I’m older, I find myself more frequently thinking, “Oh my god, I’d die if I tried that,” throughout my Winter Olympics-watching experiences.

When I was watching the Summer Olympics last year, I didn’t feel this way at all, which makes me think the Winter Olympics are even scarier.

This is supported by a cursory analysis of Olympic fatalities. Skateboarding and BMX have been added to this year’s Summer Games, which are taking the games in a more risky direction.

Fear can be overcome by bringing order out of disorder, according to my therapist. I chose to order the Winter Olympic sports according to my level of fear of participating, starting with the least threatening.


13: Curling is a Popular Sport.

Despite the fact that I’d undoubtedly fall multiple times on the ice, curling is the least harrowing winter sport. To win, all you have to do is sweep the ice with considerable vigour while sliding hefty stones into a bull’s-eye.

The men’s squad from the United States doesn’t appear like the conventional Olympic athletes; they look more like middle-school vice-principals or Dick’s Sporting Goods assistant managers. The idea of becoming a semi-professional curler still doesn’t feel out of reach.

12: Hockey on Ice

If you look at the number of players who are missing teeth, you’ll see that ice hockey is a dangerous sport. However, the sport also appears to have a fun element of danger.

Despite my lack of experience, I’ve always been intrigued by the prospect of getting into a fight. Like having a random 12-year-old call me a “dumb bitch” while I’m playing Call of Duty or browsing my Twitter mentions, this sounds much better than the alternative.

11: Speed skating sport (Short Track and Long Track)

Although I may be mistaken, the speed skaters don’t appear to be going particularly fast, and skating in circles appears to be a low-key soothing activity, similar to kayaking on a calm lake or riding on a carousel.

A female skater chopped her finger during practise the other night, but it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for the commentators to mention it. I’ve cut off a finger while peeling carrots and burned myself numerous times with boiling oil while cooking dinner, so I believe I could handle an accident of this magnitude with surprisingly little difficulty.

9 & 10: Snowboarding and Freestyle Skiing.

Several snowboarders, including Shaun White, performed a move from about 30 feet in the air last night and promptly fell to the ground. Despite this, I was unfazed by the thought of my own death or death itself.

You can bet your last dollar that I’m a complete coward. Snowboarding or freestyle skiing is like watching a John Wick movie and becoming upset because of all the killings in it. It’s impossible to get attached to this story since it’s so implausible.

8: Jumping from a Ski Slope

Ski jumping is something I could never do. That being said, I’ve always harboured some envious thoughts about my feathered brethren, with their ability to fly and all. (haw-haw-haw.)

7: Biathlon is a sport that involves competing in both running and

The biathlon’s shooting portion doesn’t frighten me at all—in fact, it looks like a lot of fun. Cross-country skiing, on the other hand, sounds like a living torment to someone who despises running.

Collapse and die when bathed in perspiration and freezing cold means that you’ll spend eternity enduring agonising torture.

6: Skiing in snow-covered terrain

Refer to the preceding paragraph.

5: Snowboarding

There was no need for me to Google what bobsledding was. There’s nothing safe about this place! There are a few advantages to this sport over others, namely…

4: This is the skeleton

Due to the sport’s literal name, “skeleton,” it’s a scary one. You should put it at the top because it’s like luge except you’re going headfirst, right?

No. In reality, you’re moving slower than the lugers due to aerodynamics or something similar, which takes some points away from your overall score. However, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t frightening.

3: Dance on the Ice

When I witnessed a German ice dance duo perform a Harley Quinn–Joker routine to the music of the highly panned 2016 Suicide Squad movie, I realised how terrifying ice dance was. “Would you put your life on the line?”

Harley responds to the Joker’s question. “You’re making it sound so simple. “Would you… would you live?”)

Someone falling and injuring themselves throughout their routine didn’t frighten me. Instead, it showed that if I attempted ice dancing, I would be severely embarrassed and suffer greatly in terms of my mental well-being as a result.

When you’re in front of millions of people, isn’t it as terrifying as death to look like a complete dummy?

2: Skiing on a slope

Speeding down a snowy slope at speeds of up to 70 mph while executing numerous tight turns is the goal of this extreme sport.

As if you were driving down a mountain road, but instead of a car, you had two pieces of fettuccine-shaped fibreglass glued to your feet and everyone you’ve ever met in your entire life was looking at you.

Even the world’s finest downhill skiers, it became clear to me while watching men’s downhill skiing on Sunday night that even they were in grave danger. I was disgusted by the first person I saw.

Afterward, he removed his helmet and other paraphernalia, revealing a blood-splattered visage that seemed both happy and relieved.

Because I imagine that if I slammed into a tree while downhill skiing, I would die quickly and painlessly. Our winner, on the other hand, is…

1: The Luge

The traditional view is that slipping and falling on ice is dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. As a result, luge is the Olympic equivalent of eating a raw chicken breast because it is a sport requiring athletes to slide down an icy course as swiftly as possible.

After learning more about luge, I’m more sure than ever that attempting it would result in serious damage, if not death.

When I tuned in to watch the men’s luge trials a few days ago, I heard the commentators relate a delightful anecdote. Mateusz Sochowycz, the Polish luger, was practising in Beijing last year when he hit a closed gate (which should have been open) and broke his left kneecap as he fell.

It seemed as if they had no idea what they should do. With a glove, someone approached me and tried to touch my bone.

Sochowicz reported seeing “distasteful scenes” in the area. The luging portion of The Divine Comedy isn’t one I recall, but it is now unquestionably a circle in my personal vision of hell.

If you can believe it, things go much worse. Two lugers have died while training for the Olympics, it has been revealed. (There was also one death in downhill skiing and one in speed skiing, which was an Olympic event at one time.)

The thought of being forced to return to high school is slowly being replaced with the fear of someone performing crazy snowboard flips down an icy track.