Our Kinder, Gentler, Nobody-Moves-Out Divorce

a circumstance where two persons who are no longer married must live together but do so on different floors.

I found the word itself to be disgusting. Divorce court wasn’t where good ladies ended up. I had never done anything wrong before this. a Midwesterner who is kind and devoted to the Catholic faith. On the other side, I had plans to divorce my husband.

Our Kinder, Gentler, Nobody-Moves-Out Divorce


Divorce Is Rarely Simple

Divorce is never simple, and the stories I had heard about it never gave me hope. The sweetest, most loving individuals I had ever known together made up my first couple of friends that split up.

One instance is a husband who defecated on his upcoming ex-automobile. The other circumstance was much more unsettling. These were kind people have turned wicked.

How did that Happen, Exactly?

My friends confirmed to me that this is the precise situation. They were once fiercely in love but became enmity rivals due to the circumstances of their divorce. There would undoubtedly be arguments over money and possessions.

Your only chance of saving money was to settle outside of court. They both bemoaned that once the dust settled, it was impossible to keep up a friendship with an ex.

In all honesty, I wasn’t sure what to think. How could this happen to a couple who cherished one another, had made a commitment to live their lives together, and had raised such wonderful kids?

Why did Everything have to Go Wrong, Exactly?

I kept circling back and forth in my mind. Personally, I’ve discovered that the majority of us only form close bonds with a select few people. Each of these quiet times is therefore priceless.

On my list of the most important persons in my life, my spouse of many years and the father of my children had to be near the top. The last thing I wanted to do was turn against him and cut him off from my life, even though we had gone beyond the point of no return.

I was Determined to Get Through the Entire Situation Unscathed.

  1. I started by taking some time to think about the result I desired, which was for our relationship to end in a mutually respectful and honourable manner. I ached for a whole family that could still enjoy each other’s company on holidays like Christmas and New Year’s Eve, as well as on birthdays and anniversaries. I focused my meditations for many years on this objective. I’ve discovered the hard way that divorces don’t usually occur quickly.

2. Counseling – In an effort to save our marriage, we sought the help of many marriage counsellors. Later, they helped us navigate the challenging conversations surrounding our separation.

It was a big relief talking about possibly harmful things in a small area.

3. Thirdly, kids, because we put their needs first and planned our days around them. Before making any significant changes at home, we were waiting for our youngest child to complete college, get employment, and move into an apartment.

4. We chose to try mediation because we both want to avoid going to court. I suggested that we continue our talks in writing after realising that I required an agent to represent my interests during those sessions.

5. Writing a Contract Our method for responding to one other in emails was a little unusual, but it appeared to work for us. We both took our time, were more careful, and ultimately were more succinct and precise when we put our opinions on paper.

We allowed ourselves time to contemplate the implications and speak with our legal counsel before replying to each new proposal. Rather than letting the lawyers determine the agenda, we customised the communication process to play to our own strengths.

6. Despite our breakup, we continued to assist one another using the same methods. He was able to put the finishing touches on his house with my help. He was of great help to me in organising my books and computer.

Last Words

Two years have passed since then, and both of the previous two Christmases were spent at home with all of us.

The other of us will watch their cat if one of us needs to leave town. We all exchange information about our children as it comes in. We can communicate easily with one another.

I’m so happy that there was even a chance for a more amicable split.